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Just give them their keys!

Writer's picture: Amy MatsonAmy Matson

Let's talk taking away an elderly person's ability to drive... this has a huge affect on the individual and the family members enforcing the "no more driving rule". I want to share a situation that recently occurred, maybe it is something that can help others that are struggling with taking away a loved one's driving privileges.

Recently I went to a car dealer to get a replacement FOB for a client who has dementia. He can't drive anymore but was cycling on having the key to his vehicle. When I told the technician that I didn't need it to programmed to anything (my client is unable to continue to drive) he looked very confused.

I explained... this is a veteran who is almost 90 years old. He has severe dementia so he can no longer safely operate a vehicle. He has been very upset about having his keys taken away. So to help with that, I just need to purchase a FOB so he has a key to his vehicle.

The technician paused and said "What a great idea! When my dad could no longer drive, we just took his keys. He was very upset and it was a moment of contention for him over and over. We tried to explain that he couldn't have the keys because he couldn't drive. We argued so many times over his keys and trying to make him understand he can no longer drive... which just made it worse. The thought never occurred to me to just give him keys. His car was no longer at his house. He never asked about his car or looked for it, he just wanted his keys." I told the technician that I have cleaned up a "mess" from a stuffed dog (that was in time out in the corner when I went to visit my client), I have fed a robotic therapy dog apples because she loves apples, I've called Santa so an elderly woman could tell him what she wanted for Christmas, I've removed nail polish and repainted nails 2x in one visit because my client hadn't had her nails done in "so long" (even though we had done them 15 minutes before), I've written 3 checks for the same bill within 20 minutes because a gentleman I was working with insisted we didn't pay that bill. Dementia is difficult to deal with, it's also very heartbreaking. Sometimes it's easier to just give a person what they want or are looking for rather than striking an argument that will never be resolved. Just give them their keys...

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